I find myself holed up in a hotel room chained to the computer racing to catch up on things that should have been completed months ago. All this adding to the stress of my recent eviction, my ongoing criminal trial, a beyond needy pitbull puppy, a fleet of broken down vehicles, the revealing of theives and enemies posing as some of my closest friends, and the list goes on. I write this not for pity, but to offer an explaination for the contents of my writings and the relevance of those to my life. They sadly are one in the same.
I battle my demons on a more regular basis than I would like to admit. It’s not that I can’t stop being addicted, addiction is the least of my worries, and the easiest of the challenges I face. Rather, I can’t find a reason not to want to escape this hell I call my life. It’s a vicious cycle that honestly drives me both crazy and to the extremes of my creativity. It also sadly deeply wears down my soul and ambition to face each new day.
Add to it the vagrancy that I’m enduring. At such a crucial time in my trial and in my family life, being evicted and homeless was not something I was prepared to deal with. In my youth, these were the ideal times of my journey. In my aging mentality, this is my undoing. It’s not that I cannot afford to maintain a residence, shit, I found the last 13 years in one place to be relaxing and comforting. A total flip from the chaos of the life I had known up until that point since a very young age when all this fuckery truly began.
And the trial, fuck me, why? If I’ve learned one thing it is definitely do not try to be kind to everyone. Pick and choose your allies well because the state of the current world is that your allies are most likely your greatest adversaries. Be they friends, family or strangers, there is always someone who is envious of the mess you call your own that will be willing to do everything to steal your thunder even if they have no intention of wearing your work. They cannot find happiness and will not stop until everyone in their realm is as fucking miserable as they are. That said, I hate that I have tried to help so many people in the last few years with almost a 100% rate of it blowing back up in my face. I’ve lost my faith, not only in religion but in humanity. We are truly a fucking doomed generation with access to all the information to help us draw every conclusion but this.
My legal issues are over a year in the books and my lawyer as I am armed with the weopons to win the battle has given up and thrown me to be devoured by the crooked fucks who work for the local corporate version of the local government. And the arrests seem to never end around here, but no one else seems to be sitting in jail for getting high. Says alot about the area, the people, and the moral fiber that is the glue holding the order around here. It’s as dirty as pig in a mud bath. If you were born into the money and bear a favored name you are guaranteed to walk away smelling like roses, you will be amongst the ones chosen to initially outlast rounds 1-10 of the global extinction that has already been unleashed upon this planet (again). But if you’re good of heart and empty of pocket, well just hope you’re flexible because you’re about to spend a significant amount of time with your head between your legs kissing your own ass as you’re lead to slaughter.
Has no one else noticed that one day the world was normal then the next it was like we entered into an alternate reality or parallel universe that is the exact fucking opposite of what we have always known? It doesn’t seem like very many are seeing past the slight of hand distracting magic tricks of those in power. Instead they embrace the immoral and live like they’re immune to virus (subtitled life). The world has become more of a three ringed circus sideshow madhouse specticle than I ever thought was possible. What in the fuck happened? Anyone got any solid leads on this one?
I leave this post of fuckery now, and I leave my words to be read or discarded as you the reader so chooses to do with this content. If ever the world was screaming for a change it is now, moreso than the last time humanity had any balls. Sadly those balls aged and shrivelled up to become the hands holding us down and back from being a good world again. Give me my simplicity and my freedom, fuck these medicated, buerocratic compromised watered down soltuions to happiness. We were not meant to all get along, we were not meant to be so sensitive, we were not meant to be so lazy and dumb, we were not meant to be the labrats of the wealthy and powerful who have known exactly where they were leading us….to our slaughter. Wake up ya all, the ship is sinking and we are all fucked if we continue downstream.